Non-veg to veg!! -- From my Junkbox

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was learnt, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their
Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs
filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now dears.... you are a potato and
tomato"!

Aap ko tension - Old jokes from my Junk box

Ladki ne aapse lift maangi,

Raste mein uski tabiat kaharab ho gai. Aapko TENSION !!

Aap hospital le gaye,

Doctor bola – aap baap banne wale ho. Aapko TENSION !!

Aap bole – Mai iska baap nahi !

Phir ladki se pucha Ladki boli – yehi baap hai. Aapko aur TENSION.

Phir police ayi. Aapka medical check up hua.

Report aayi. 
Aap to kabhi baap hi nahi ban sakte. Aapko aur TENSION !!

Aap ne khuda ka shukar ada kiya aur aap Khushi Khushi ghar gaye !

Aur phir socha Ki ghar pe jo bachchay hai

Wo kiske hai???????

Upcoming Movies to look for

1. Dhobighaat - Review

INSTALLING HUSBAND !

A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,and then installed undesirable programs such asNEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6simply crashes the system.
Signed,
__________________________________ 

______
REPLY 

DEAR Madam, 

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system. 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install theGuilt 3.0update. 
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 andFlowers 3.5.. 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances installMother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall theBoyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software 
to improve memory and performance. 
We recommend: Cooking 3.0and Good Looks 7.7. 

Good Luck Madam! 

-- 
Technical support team

From my JunkBox -- Rajnikanth

Rajinikanth, the god of celluloid and his can do's. Did you said a book can't be judged by its cover?

When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
There is no such thing as evolution, it's just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
Rajinikanth can divide by zero.
Rajinikanth can judge a book by it's cover.
Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.
Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
Rajinikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.
Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Rajinikanth doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When you say "no one is perfect", Rajinikant takes this a personal insult.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Rajinikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
Rajinikanth can answer a missed call

From my JunkBox -- Overconfidence

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
 
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet, I know what it is. Flowers." 
"That's right!" the boy said,"But, how did you know?" 
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said. 

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet, I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. 
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. 

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. 
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. 
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. 
The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Hong Kong Dong*

*BEWARE Adult Content Below

On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl.

Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said, "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away".

Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time.

He went to Dr. Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said

"These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop Chop. Amputation not necesally."

Joe was relieved.

Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."

Ensure your resources

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the

First house of the street.

 A tall lady answered the door.

 Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the

 living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the

 cow droppings onto the carpet.

 "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new

 powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the

 eager salesman.

 “Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" .asked the lady.

 The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

 "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

 MORAL:  Gather all resources before working on any project and

 Committing to the client...!!!

"Two moons" is Just a Hoax!!

DON'T BELIEVE THIS SPAM

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.

The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Joke of the day -- from the Junk Mail

Once a man in the restaurant suddenly realized that, he desperately needs to pass gas. The music was really-really loud. So he timed his gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, he starts to feel better. He finished his coffee and noticed that everybody was staring at him. Then he suddenly remembered that he was listening to his i-pod.